No Subject on Purpose

I have a friend who hates when you send her an email with no subject line.

It's almost 11 on Friday.

I am feeling the crunch of the deadline.

I went to a cocktail party tonight and just wasn't feeling it at all.

It was weird for me...there is this thing that happens in Hollywood where you go somewhere, and all the conversation is is about "what are you working on now" and it really bugs me sometimes!

I am really proud of what I am working on, but you know - it would be nice to talk about something else.  Or not.  I mean, we could talk about politics, but then I'd probably get all worked up and come home with an ulcer. 

I'm just in a funky mood today.

But tonight I thought about how nice it would be to be able to just relax.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic and homesick.

I just spent a chunk of time reading all these old stories of life in the HAT.  That was the name of the theatre building that I studied in at USM.

It has since been torn down, and now the students study in a state of the art theatre.

But I was reminded of a show I did called The Serpent.

I think it was 8 of us that together created "the serpent" 

We had to wear these little loin cloths, and then we were covered in green oatmeal/mud stuff.

And then we slid all over the floor and delivered our lines in a "greek chorus" like manner.

Oh Live Theatre!!

I had completely forgotten about that.

Why I would want to block out that memory I can't fathom...

I got an email from a friend of mine that I have known since Kindergarden.

That is a LONG time!

She was the one who told CC about this blog.

It's still a little mind blowing to me that people have read this.

But anyway - it was an incredible email to get, and again I was blown away - just stopped dead in my tracks, and completely moved.  

 I realize is that I don't give myself enough credit.

And then I don't give the people in my life credit. 

I say that it is hard to be on the end of other people's fear and generalizations - and I have been doing that to other people!

What a gift.

Who knew that my time in Project Reel would create so much love, joy and freedom in my life.

I am blessed.

And grateful.

And hungry.

I am feeling overwhelmed with my footage.

And it's only a 10 minute film!

My hat goes off - hell - whatever I have on goes off in complete reverence to editors who edit big things!  It's a bitch.

I love it.

But it's a bitch.

My parents are flying out for reel oscars!

How cool is that?

I am so excited to have them here - the evening should be really fun.

This will be the first thing they have seen me in in a while...so it's really special to me.

Hey-- did you know that when you consume alcohol it reduces your bodies fat burning capacity by 73%.  That is insane.  And it makes me really tempted to dump my Jim Beam.

Just something I learned recently.

Tomorrow I am going to sign up for classes at a spinning studio right down the street.

They are having a special for first time students - 10 classes for 50 bucks!  Sweet!

So now when I get all loopy for the next week on this damn final cut, I can go spin.

And get a nice tight tush in the process.

Ok - I am going to go back to work.

 

Sleepy eyes

I have sleepy eyes.

Time for bed! 

But I thought I would post for a moment.

I found out a friend of mine from college is reading this!  Crazy!  I honestly didn't think anyone other than the mysterious "reel oscar committee" was reading it!~

I'll call her CC to protect her anonymity.

And because it's fun for me.

When I was little my sister called me TT.

That was traumatic.

This is just fun and feels a little devilish.

I should get out more.

Anyway-

CC reached out to me the other day via IM and it was truly life changing for me.

I realized I've been totally hiding out, avoiding all the people from my past because I figured they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me.  I am sitting her shaking my head as I type this.

It's one of those things that as you are thinking it, rationalizing it, it makes total sense.

CC has been reading the blog, and she let me know that she thought I was courageous.  It was this flood of relief - like adrenaline, coursing through my veins.  She reminded me that I have always been searching for what I wanted, and was glad I am now finding things that are making me happy.  Isn't that so cool?

She reminded me that hiding out is no way to live.

Thank you, CC!  So much love and gratitude.

I don't remember exactly who I was back in college, so it's nice to take a trip back.

She is right though - my whole life it seems that I have been searching. 

I like that.

It keeps me in a constant state of expansion.

And at times in a state of anxiety!  But I am learning how not to go there!

It's true - I am finding people and passions that are making me happy.

Like today - I woke up in a bad mood. 

Don't you hate when that happens?

And I get that I can adjust that - change that - Turn that frown upside down, yada yada.

But really - I was just pissy.

I was feeling whiny and sorry for myself and lethargic and totally depressed.

I took Bella to the park and was going to bring my journal, but instead, I brought the camera.

And I shot all kinds of cool Bella footage.

And I felt Alive.

I was back!

Man - I am meant to create shots.  I know that.  It is so fulfilling to me.  I got this really cool shot of her jumping on the ball, and I was dancing around this tree in the park singing the " I gotta cool shot" song.

If you don't know that song, don't worry.

I just made it up.

I saw Josephine tonight and reminded her about how much Project Reel has changed my life.

CC IM'ing me was icing on the cake.

Thanks to this blog - which I TOTALLY resisted - I feel a new sense of freedom.

I've built quite a tall sturdy wall around me over the years, so it'll take a little time to break it down, but I am getting there.

I am getting there.