I got to Blank Spaces, still in my weird head space that started on Monday.
By the end of the night, I felt like I had come back.
One of the things that we talked about last night, or that I shared last night, was the impact that making my film has had on me. As I have mentioned before, it is a dream come true. You know, Duffy and I were talking today about what happens when you get what you want. Andre said last night that we never really reach "success". You achieve something, but then there is always, the next level. So - here I am, with a film I am really proud of and the possibilities it creates for me. I'd love to expand it and see where it can go.
But what comes along with it, is me accepting my truth.
That was the "message" that I wanted to pass along with it.
That until you accept the truth of who you are, no one else can. Funny how I was totally prepared to gift that to whoever watched it, but somehow forgot that it applies to me to!
So - now I have a film about the gay girl that no one knows is gay and her journey through that.
And I have people in my life that don't know the truth of who I am, and they want to see this. So I'm like "great. I guess I'll be coming out by way of film!" And then I get all weird about "coming out" I mean in reality, it's no one's business. And it shouldn't matter at all. If someone has an issue with it, that's theirs. Not mine. I get all that on an intellectual level, but on a heart level I still struggle with it.
The people I love know. And the people who know me now know.
It's the people I grew up with or went to college with who I haven't hung out with in YEARS who I get all freaky about. And I have to remind myself that A) they probably won't care.
B) They might have had an inkling... and C) if they do get all weird about it, I don't hang with them anyway so it's not like I'm losing anything.
And what's available for me is freedom. True freedom and acceptance.
Ahhh life. What a beautiful journey, eh?
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